… uhm Houston we have a problem.

Despite the fact that there are over 8-million people living in Jo’burg, it often seems to be an island surrounded my murky waters. Even more so when you’re in love and you feel ship wrecked and alone. Times when even the most resourceful survivor will feel the need to put a message in a bottle or on a certain voice mail just so that you feel connected with something bigger. Naturally I wanted to spend every waking second with the new guy but a voice of caution told me that I was perhaps getting excited over nothing.

Understandably people lead busy lives and even more so when your life is chasing targets set by other people. A few stray comments that seemed like loose threads have slowly weaved together an all too familiar pattern of a distressing picture. When a 37-yr old man, even though apparently out of the closest, chooses to remain ambiguously straight you have to wonder where the cracks are and what are being used to cover them. As much as I wanted to engage my new romance, he wasn’t done fully with his old one, and every part of me was telling me to break away.

And so in the early hours of the morning when I’m laying wide awake I turn to DVD’s to keep my mind off him. Perhaps an unwise choice of movies was a tale on how to lose a guy in 10-days. All the classic mistakes women, or perhaps emotionally immature gay men, make when they meet a man whom they would like to get involved with. As we reached 36hrs and still no response from my last text message I thought to myself that perhaps I had failed to get the message that he was sending.

The 1820-settlers had to wait up to 6months for a response from home. It had taken me 6-mnths to get the message that I wanted someone there to share this next and exciting stage of my life with. And as my heart still flutters with a week old romance I was even more certain that I couldn’t wait another minute. Are all these improvements in instant communications really helping us or when it comes to matters of love, I couldn’t help but wonder do actions speak loader than words?

The next day, as my eyes flickered awake and I sipped yet another cup of coffee, I tried to mentally prepare myself for what was going to be a watershed day of final meetings that will inform the future at my new company. Suddenly overcome with a sense of urgency I decided to take action. I knew I was breaking all the supposed rules which told me to be less available in order to seem more desirable, I called him to find out if we were still on for our dinner date at his place later that night. While knew I was taking a chance it was, after all, a calculated risk.

But as the phone rang and rang and rang and eventually went to voicemail I realised that this was the last message I would leave for him. As cute as he is, as funny and charming and sensitive a man I would love to have in my life there comes a time when you have to realise your own self-worth. He may have been the perfect Mr. Right-Now but somewhere out there is a guy like you waiting for a guy like me. And in a moment like that you realise that right now, you’re Mr. Right.

One Response to “… uhm Houston we have a problem.”

  1. dear jay, I enjoy your carrie bradshaw-like musings a lot, but wonder: is there a certain pattern? why is it, that we tend to get attracted to people who are unavailable or not right for us while we shun those who might be mr or mrs right? by choosing mr wrong again and again we continue this pattern until we stop and make a sudden change – which will be all for the better. love, s

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