… nomvula?

Have you ever been at a loss for words? When no matter how hard you try you feel you can’t say anything? Or better yet have so much to say that you’re struck dumb because of them? I feel like that right now. For two weeks the words have been gathering like the storm clouds on the horizon of a hot, lazy Highveld afternoon.

I want to be selfish for a little while and enjoy this secret tryst. I’m not sure if it’s his boyish looks, his natural charm or his unassuming self-confidence or the fact that he excites me on every level imaginable – physically, mentally and sexually but there we have it. He does.

This is a secret that I want to keep. I want to keep feeling like this for as long as I can – without the outside world peeking in. In the absence of being able to voice the change within, I turn to words written by someone else that captures everything I want to say, but cannot articulate. Everything I feel, but cannot express. Everything I want, but cannot yet envisage.

For the first time in 31-yrs, I have experienced myself through the expression of someone else in the way he looks at me, the way he touches me, the way that he doesn’t have to try because his natural expression is true – but the two words that can make it up and out are simply: thank-you.


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