… angels and demons?

Father, forgive me it has been 17yrs since my last confession. In these years I have been envious of the world around me, coveting a lifestyle that I did not want; coveting men and women that I did not need; and coveting relationships that weren’t mine to be had | blessed is he who reads aloud the words of the prophecy  and blessed are those who hear and who keep what is written therein for the time is near |  Father, I have consumed everything and everyone with an uncontrollable gluttony – unable to stop even when satisfied.  Craving food that does not nourish my body and the sexual intimacy of strangers who are unable to satisfy the loneliness within | he is coming with the clouds and every eye will see him everyone who pierced him  and all the tribes of the earth will wail on account of him  | Father, it’s easy to say I am a product of the time we live in but I am wracked with accumulating material possessions that sometimes I can neither afford nor keep – and yet I keep on buying more, wanting more, needing more  | those of you who have not learned what some call the deep things of Satan I know your works; I know your toil, and your patient endurance and how you cannot hear evil men but have tested those who call themselves apostles, but are not  and found them to be false I know that you are enduring patiently and you have not grown weary but I have this against you that you have abandoned the love you had  |Father forgive me of my pride that often dictates how I view the world and the action I take therein  I believe without merit or reason in my abilities that exceed often my knowledge | and I saw a beast rising out of the sea with ten horns and seven heads and a blasphemous name upon its head  and the beast that I saw was like a leopard its feet were like a bear’s and its mouth was like a lion’s mouth and to it the dragon gave his power and the whole earth followed the beast with wonder and they worshipped the beast saying:” who is like the beast and who can fight against the beast?” and it opened its mouth to utter blasphemous words against God it was allowed to make war on the saints and to conquer  and authority was given it over every tribe  and a people and tongue and nation  and all who dwell on earth could worship it in vain if anyone has an ear let him hear if anyone who slays with the sword  | Father, I have become spiritually barren as the weeds of the world have chocked the garden of purity that once was my soul  In abandoning the house of G’d I have abandoned my own salvation  Where once I believed in everything now I believe in nothing  I am unable to trust the words uttered by those I love – scared to be disappointed again | then, I saw a new heaven and a new earth  and I heard a great voice from the throne saying: “behold the dwelling of god is with men he will dwell with them ,and they shall be his people and God himself will be with them he will wipe away every tear from their eyes and death shall be no more neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore  for these things will have passed away  to the thirsty I will give water without price  from the fountain of the water of life he who conquers shall have this heritage and I will be his God and he shall be my son but as for the cowardly, the faithless, the polluted as for the murderers, fornicators, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars their lot shall be in the lake that burns with fire | Father my vanity runs amok and I believe that I am better than most because of the privilege to which I was born  I encourage this with the people I meet, places I visit and lifestyle I lead | and he said to me, he said to me: “do not seal up the words of the prophecy, for the time is near  behold, I am coming soon | Father, I lust after a man that I met on Saturday night at a party. He is everything that I want in this moment. In the perfume of the evening night, I could smell his sex on his warm moist skin inked with words that govern my view of the world. With false pretence, we have started something that both are unable to finish – but the attraction is there – and we are drawn to the inevitable conclusion | I am the alpha and the omega I am the first and the last I am the beginning and the end  | Father, I come to you to ask for absolution of my sins  Father, hear my prayers | Amen


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