Archive for the Lyrics – Madonna Category

…. no one ever forgets great head!

Posted in Confession, Lyrics - Madonna with tags on November 27, 2007 by moderngatsby


In 1992 three interrelated happenings put me down a path that I have never managed to get off of. A book was published that read more like a whores-who diary of sexcapades across the country between a women named Dita and a guy named John, a CD that was loosely based on the book, and a young impressionable boy who had his first experience with another boy. Almost a lifetime later the boy that became a fuck buddy in boarding school has moved on to a wife, children and a great job at an IT company and I have a great collection of bespoke suits that hang in my cupboard at home.

My name is Dita. I’ll be your mistress tonight. I’d like to put you in a trance.

Since I was overseas when my class had their 10-yrs reunion I didn’t go. I guess I didn’t feel too guilty either since I see many of them at the various old boys’ events through the year: Hilton vs. Michaelhouse rugby, the arts festival, Old Boy’s polo, Christmas mass, fund raisers and of course various school things that I somehow get onto my calendar. But every now and again I see him at a distance in a crowd, or standing in a queue for the boerewors rolls, or even at the club playing tennis on a Saturday morning. About a week ago I sent him a copy of the book, a copy of the CD, and a letter that told him pretty much how I feel whenever I see him although he doesn’t see me.

If I take you from behind, push myself into your mind when you least expect it. Will you try and reject it? If I’m in charge, and treat you like a child will you let yourself go wild? Let my mouth go where it wants to?

While I’m not holding out for a phone call, since his best friend is my ex-Squirrel, I have spent an extraordinary amount of time when alone thinking about what he might be thinking about. Since I started stripping away the layers I’ve come to realise that perhaps he was my first archetypical love and the one that I’ve based my whole sexual choices upon? In the end he was a prefect, first team rugby, swimming, and squash, and not quite the most popular boy but certainly one that many strived to emulate. But at night he wasn’t the asshole that plagued the corridors during the day. Quietly slipping into my room after lights out we would lie after sex for hours. Who was using whom?

Give it up, do as I say. Give it up and let me have my way. I’ll give you love; I’ll hit you like a truck. I’ll give you love, I’ll teach you how to … ahhh

Since our nocturnal nooky started I never seemed to be bothered much by the older kids a few forms a head of me. Not that I was ever bullied but every now and again you got pulled indiscriminately from a line and made to do something humiliating in front of a crowd. It had something to do with breaking you down and rebuilding your character in the shape of the school. And while we were never caught, I don’t think that it was a secret either, and as such I became an extension of him. One night, I remember we had just started kissing and things started getting pretty hot when there was a knock on my locked door. Panic!

Once you put your hand in the flame you can never be the same. There’s a certain satisfaction in a little bit of pain. I can see you understand, I can tell that you’re the same. If you’re afraid, well rise above I only hurt the ones I love.”

It was a friend in the same year as I who was bored and wanted to talk. We often did this sometimes over a packet of biscuits or crisps and wasn’t anything unusual. For 45-minutes he crouched in the cramped hanging space of my cupboard naked until a hamstring muscle cramp gave way to a small whimper and out the closet he tumbled. As my heart stopped for what seemed like a forever we both sat looking at my friend sitting at my study desk as he looked from me to my lover and back again. In the few seconds it took for the truth to dawn on him, and before either of us could say anything, he got up and left us to the night. He never said anything to anyone and always when ever he came back to my room checked the closets first before sitting down.

I don’t think you know what pain is. I don’t think you’ve gone that way. I could bring you so much pleasure. I’ll come to you when you say. I know you want me. I’m not gonna hurt you. I’m not gonna hurt you, just close your eyes.

It’s funny how a song can remind you of something that seems so far back in the distance. How your past and present are not connected but somehow meet at a certain point? And as I realise that my next confession stretches perhaps is over the line of decency but on those hot and humid summer nights deep in the KZN Midlands as the sweat gathered on his naked, hairless chest I learnt something that amazes people to this day. By taking your time during foreplay, learning what stimulates your partner, taking them on a physical journey that torments the pleasure of sex, will always awaken something in them that no one else ever can. It also means that they’ll remember you for a long time.

Only the one that hurts you can make you feel better. Only the one that inflicts pain can take it away.

After all you can forget a bad kisser, but you can never forget the best head of your life.



… thundershowers are predicted for most of the Highveld.

Posted in coccooning, Lyrics - Madonna, My Great Love, Self-Truth with tags on October 3, 2007 by moderngatsby

In the darkness of a humid Highveld evening I smelt it before I heard it. The spring rains had come finally and in the morning I would wake to a different world. The constant rain-drops levelling the ground, the scrapping of the Jacaranda tree on the tiled roof-top, and the dripping of the rain on the slate tiles outside lulled me to sleep after a long tiring day. There is nothing like falling asleep to the sound of rain and waking up to the slate-grey morning when everything is soaking wet.

After the past few weeks of unbearable heat it was a welcome change and coincided with another change as well. Slowly I’ve started coming out of my cocoon again and reconnecting with friends, family and familiar places around Jo’burg. That plus I’ve started taking my mountain biking a little more serious now as well and that requires me getting out and about. Fair enough it’s with my iPod, my soy latte (just to kick start the day), and a determination that after promising change every summer – this time it will eventually come.

I think this determination started a long time ago but really hit home with a friends wedding a few weeks back in Pretoria. An amazing experience to be sure but somehow it floated above me and the full impact of the words spoken by the priest was lost. But at the end of it all it wasn’t about me but about her. As I saw her standing there marrying the best man in her life I knew that someday the rocky road that they had to travel on to get here was so worth it. Nothing in life comes easy but they made it look so good.

Slowly the wheels of fortune have started to grind in my favour as I’m starting to get enquiries for potential work. Having just completed a major tender for one of the steel mills the distance between start-up and operational company is just a few weeks away. The longer I have to think about company strategy and what the long-term potential could be the more options open up to us. But we need to get past that first speed bump before we even start thinking about accelerating anywhere.

The other night the movie ‘De-Lovely’ was on and I realise that perhaps the cruellest thing would be to get married. Knowing the kind of person she is I know the kind of person that I am. I do think that we’d have a long and happy life together but fulfilment is something from within and not without. The future is still unknown but what I do know that tomorrow is another day and all I can do is live today as best I can. Sometimes that’s all I can ask of myself and those around me.

As I sat watching the rain the other afternoon, I know that “… waiting is the hardest thing (It’s strange I feel like I’ve known you before). I tell myself that if I believe in you (And I want to understand you). In the dream of you (More and more). With all my heart and all my soul (When I’m with you). That by sheer force of will (I feel like a magical child). I will raise you from the ground (Everything strange). And without a sound you’ll appear (Everything wild). And surrender to me, to love.